Step 1 (Self-Reflection)
An irreconcilable difference is the reason given for my divorce. I really wanted to tell the judge, “He cheated and betrayed me”. He ruined our perfect marriage. After the infidelity, I started to do some soul searching. It was not until after the divorce that I started my healing process and took the time to reflect on my experiences as a wife.
- Prior to marriage, I was an independent, club hopping, amaretto sipping, signifying party girl. I was sexy, vivacious and fun-loving. After I got married, I felt that I had to suppress who I was in order to be a “good” wife. I used that woman in Proverbs 31 as my guide. Yep, I took that passage and jacked it up. In all fairness, how could he build a relationship with a façade and sustain it. I was bitter because I did not allow myself to be me. Therefore, I lacked affection towards him.
- Prior to marriage, we did not have standards for ourselves or our union. He and I were just happy to give and receive love. I did not know anything about sacrifice. I was selfish and lacked compassion and attentiveness towards his and my needs.
- Prior to marriage, I had never read Ecclesiastes 4:12 about the three strand cord (God, him and me). I did not know that God should have been at the forefront of our marriage. I had no idea that God has expectations for not only us as individuals but for our union. During my marriage, I had never read Ephesians 6:10-18. I did not pray. I had no idea what I was up against as a wife. I thought warfare was something that was done in oppressed countries.
Step 2 (Restoration and Reconciliation)
Thank God for his teaching, healing, revelation and restoration. I am in a place of clarity instead of being confused. I am in a place of forgiving myself for the things that I did not know and could not convey in words or actions to my ex-husband. I am in a place of self-reflection and not condemnation. The process of surviving divorce has brought me closer to God, myself and even my ex-husband. I am excited about what He has in store for my ex-husband and I individually and collectively. I understand that our union was not by happenstance and it is far from over. I am not saying that we are going to walk down the aisle again, but we will stand together as God has some work for us in His kingdom, till death due us part.
1 Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, 2 because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you[a] free from the law of sin and death. Romans 8:1-2
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